My professional experience as a trauma-informed therapist has taught me that healing and growth is a highly personal endeavor. To avoid pain, we tend to emotionally retreat to where we’re comfortable. These “comfort zones” provide protection from deep hurts, but they can also stifle growth and healing. For many, the mere thought of truly stepping outside the safety of a comfort zone is terrifying and anxiety-inducing.
Pain in the service of healing is good.
Over the years, I have been forced outside of my comfort zone many times. I’m a breast cancer survivor. I’ve been a military wife whose husband deployed multiple times to war zones. I spent years working to get my Master’s Degree in Social Work while raising small children. I even began my private psychotherapy practice at the start of a global pandemic. The fears and uncertainties I confronted in each of these situations were all unique. To get through them, I had to learn to lean-in. I’ve lived the pain that comes from stepping outside my comfort zone. But, in truth, these crucible moments were also transformational. I hurt. I healed. I grew. I found joy. I reclaimed my power.
Recently, even after 47 years of life, I again unexpectedly found myself pushed outside my comfort zone . . . this time, by a podcast.
The podcast was recorded in May 2021. I joined Tiffany McLain, the host of “The Money Sessions” podcast. I shared about the process of transitioning my therapy practice to private-pay and no longer taking insurance payments. Being so vulnerable was intimidating. However, I leaned-in despite my fear because I wanted to encourage other therapists to know that they, too, could make this transition successfully. When I recorded the podcast, I knew it was scheduled to be published in November. But then life happened – work, summer activities, family trips, back to school, volunteer efforts – and the podcast fell from my mind.
After the podcast aired, I received an email from a therapist stating she was inspired by my story. She requested a consultation.
<<GULP!!>>
Self-doubt and the imposter syndrome crept in. I couldn’t even bring myself to listen to the podcast. So what could I have possibly said that caused to her reach out to me?
Then, to my surprise, over the next many weeks more therapists contacted me for consultations after having heard the Money Sessions episode.
I finally decided – reluctantly – to listen to the podcast during one of my morning walks. I laughed. I cried. I nodded in agreement. When it was done, I realized it was actually really good!
Not a minute later, I again started to cry . . . hard. In that moment, and for the first time ever, I realized that I validated myself in a completely different way. Wholly. Lovingly. Authentically. Unconditionally.
Right then, I swore to never again discredit myself. This personal vow launched me into a world of personal growth that I’d never experienced before. I was different. I am different.
My growth continues. Addressing my pattern of self-sabotage and self-neglect. Leaning into feelings with complete vulnerability. Being with, and becoming curious about, my thoughts. Allowing for more self-compassion and kindness to self. Giving my body what it needs, including better nutrition and exercise. Establishing healthy boundaries. Acknowledging it’s OK to say “no.” And, importantly, staying in the present, with gratitude.
Stretching ourselves beyond where we’re comfortable is terrifying and, sometimes, excruciatingly painful as it was for me. Our comfort zones feel good. They’re a known quantity. They’re safe. They might’ve served a purpose at one point in our lives, but then our bodies become restless . . . as if to tell us: “It’s time. Free yourself. Heal. Grow. Live your truth. Find your purpose. You are ready.”
If we dismiss, avoid, or ignore the calling, we’re deliberately choosing to stay comfortable. In so doing, we unfairly cheat ourselves of the beautiful opportunity to self-actualize.
Only you know when you’re ready to challenge your comfort zone. But, when you are ready, own it. Freely. Fiercely. Unapologetically. With every part of your being. This is your path to your truth and your personal best.
Purposely surround yourself with those “ride or die” people in your life. Make no room for negativity. Know that you’ve got people rooting for you, even if you can’t see it. And—importantly—remember that there are many like you who are choosing action.
Yes, it will be painful, but worth it.
You are worth it.
I wish you joy outside your comfort zone!
